They call me Mama... Momma... Mommy... Mom... AND Mother

Sometimes I wonder if I'm EVER the mom I want to be.

Not the
"cookies, and milk, and yellow balloons",
go on hikes 'sound of music style' while singing merrily along,
'play with the kids all day'
kind of mom I thought I would be
'once upon a time' as a teenager.

But the
'teach them of God's Love',
'hold them close a little longer',
no hollering,
yet patient
kind of mother I think is more realistic.

Maybe I'm that mom for 5 minutes each day???  Only... I want to be that mom all day.

Some days I think I'm really doing the very best I can under the circumstances. But other times I think I can do a little better and try harder to love and get more accomplished in my home.

I'm up, down, all around every few minutes during the day. I can't decide if I want to speed things up or slow time down. In some moments everything is so bonkers I can't think straight.  But then the next moment, I fear oh too soon, I'll look over and Abe will be 6 feet tall and Hannah will be heading to college.

Then I run grab the camera and try to capture our normal, every-day moments so I won't forget it all.

I want to remember the good... the squishy cheeks, the cute kid voices and way of speaking, the floppy baby socks, the silly made-up songs, the little ones who fit on your lap. But even now I forget some of those things... the days are a blur.

I want to be this kind of mom when my kids have a gloomy day at school,
"The sun doesn't have to be shining outside because it's shining in my heart.  I'll share it with you." (Sherrie Johnson)

But sometimes I am too busy to really dig deep to find out how school really was. I try, but only fluff is spoken and heard. But yesterday when I found a tearful Hannah crying in the pantry, I realized I needed to take more time to investigate the 'real' day she had. It obviously wasn't as terrific as she initially made it out to be.

I am a good mother. I know that. I sure try. I do. I just hope it's enough. But then again... Jimmy reminds me that I am not alone in this mothering thing... Someone besides him as father and husband. I told him (when in a grouchy moment) that Heavenly Father did not help change stinky poopy diapers, wipe snotty noses 20 times a day, fold laundry, or do dishes. But yes, deep down I know He is our greatest supporter and strength. He keeps us going on this adventure.

On a night when I wondered what I needed to change in my life to happily survive this journey of mothering little ones, I read a simple message,
"The choice is to illuminate our way through the darkness of mortal life with the light generated by our own sparks, or to navigate by the brilliant light of Christ." (Sherrie Johnson)

A bumble-jumble of thoughts are in my head... This weekend I'm sorting through all those thoughts to make sense of my calling as Mother. Theme for my thoughts: Stickin' to the Basics seems important... and necessary... and about all I can manage.

(Brief notes about the photos:
1. Tru. This funny baby kept sitting like this in his swing. He doesn't like to lay back anymore, he wants to be upright. This was his way of trying to sit up I guess. I love his floppy socks. Tru has been serious lately and doesn't smile quite as easily on some days.


2. Abe at dinner posing with chicken nuggets in his mouth. I love how he talks and laughs. He has kissable squishy cheeks.


3. Max stays at the dinner table for maybe 5 minutes. Last night he gobbled french fries and chicken nuggets and juice.


4. Hannah delights in finding cute outfits. I let her dress mostly how she likes. Here she is in jammies and an assortment of hair doo-dads. She ate gallons of fried rice last night and was still hungry.


5. A note from Hannah taped on my nightstand. She could hardly wait until I went and read it. I'm glad she appreciates my efforts as mother.


6. In the middle of dinner Hannah decided to show us the dance she learned at school. It was something about 'Bow, bow, bow Belinda. You're the one my darling." She tried to teach Abe all the moves.


7. I love these shoes. They were a rockin' online deal. They are comfy and I feel like a kid when I wear them.  I think there's a splotch on my pants... spit-up... or gravy... or who knows what.