The Lord's Love

This last week was a hard one for me. I think it was just lots of little things that added up. It didn't start too well with our Sunday fiasco. With Abe's broken arm and me having to do everything for him that just added to the chaos. Tears were shed every day be someone or other - mostly by me though. I got lots of dishes done in all my tears so I guess that's a good thing.

It was a week where I felt I couldn't do anything quite right. Nothing was getting done in my house and it was driving me crazy. I felt like all I did all day was feed Max and entertain Max (don't get me wrong - I love that Babe... but infants do require constant care) and referee all the battles between the other two kiddies.

If we're doing fun productive activities and the house falls apart - so be it! But when we're not even surviving and the house falls apart, I feel dumb. So housekeeping and mothering and wifery (made-up word for 'being a wife'?) were not happening too well this week for me.

My love bucket was kind of running on empty. I'm not blaming everyone in my family here - I fully realize I have a part in this. I was cranky as can be (4 super crazy ulcers in my mouth didn't help my irritability level) and I know a grouchy mama doesn't help anything in the home. And I also know if I swallowed all my pride and selfishness, things would be happier. Right? Right!

There were a bunch of good things about our week - and I'm not ignoring these. At least Abe didn't break his neck! I got to eat lunch at Thanksgiving Point with the girlies. Janey came to town and we got to look at darling Wedding Announcements. Janers taught Hannah a really funny dance with a silly song. She also taught Hannah how to play her nose as an instrument. Gotta love skills like those. The builder put the cupboards and flooring in our house. Yippee! I got to look at paint samples. See - so there were some good things goin' for me.

And then today I just loved church. For once in a long, long time, I felt like church was rejuvenating. In sacrament meeting (Abe was sitting by Jimmy of course!), a gal who I really like bore her testimony. She said she just felt like sharing her experience this week. She was feeling like she was trying to balance everything in her life but that nothing was going well. (hi! - just like me!) And she said she finally just decided to pray about what to do so she could feel good about things in her life and all her efforts. And her answer was to just deal with the most important things.

Of course that sounds like an obvious thing... but when you are caught up in trying to BE everything, it's hard to see through the mud - ya know. So really, I felt like she shared that maybe just for me - so I can remember to just focus on the most important things - like my children - loving and teaching them... and not let the house falling-to-shreds get me down.

The other day when I was bawling my eyes out to Mary, she shared a bit of advice from a friend's blog. The advice was was this gal's mom who came to help after she had her 5th baby. She said, "Just let your house go...something has to...and your kids are too important." So for now, I'm going to try not to panic about stuff right now... so I can enjoy a few moments with my kiddies. We'll see if I can do it.

The other thing I loved at church was the R.S. lesson. It was on feeling Love from the Lord. The lesson was based on some of Bonnie D. Parkin's messages. Here are my favorite quotes from October 2006 Conference:

I received a strong witness that we, His daughters, need to know that He loves us. We need to know that He sees the good in us. Feeling His love encourages us to press forward, reassures us that we are His, and confirms to us that He cherishes us even when we stumble and experience temporary setbacks.

I had this message confirmed when I bore my testimony in the Sunday afternoon session of general conference in April of 2002. That morning I was told that Elder David B. Haight might not be able to participate in the conference. If that happened, I would have five minutes to bear my testimony. I prayed extra hard for Elder Haight that day!

Sunday morning I watched him come into the Conference Center, and I started to relax—right up until the moment he exited during the congregational hymn. As I stood at the podium that afternoon, the teleprompter screen was blank!

But the message that kept coming to my mind and heart was that women need to feel the Lord's love in their lives daily. It was the message I knew I needed to convey that day, and it continues to be our message.

...Do we frequently reject the Lord's love that He pours out upon us in much more abundance than we are willing to receive? Do we think we have to be perfect in order to deserve His love? When we allow ourselves to feel "encircled about eternally in the arms of his love," we feel safe, and we realize that we don't need to be immediately perfect.

We must acknowledge that perfection is a process. This is a gospel of eternal progress, and we must remember to appreciate the journey. Eternal means "without beginning or end," so the encircling of His love is there for us every day. Remember, it's constant—even when we don't recognize it.

I love Nephi's description of this great gift: "The love of God . . . sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things . . . and the most joyous to the soul." I testify that this is true.

We also talked about how our children can sense how we view ourselves in what we say about our bodies, our talents, our efforts. And if they see that we love ourselves and we know who we are as Daughters of God, that will strengthen them to know and feel of Heavenly Father's love for them.

So - what I realized today is that even when I have a crummy week, my love bucket should never feel empty... because I can feel Love from the Lord... but I need to let that love in.

And through humble prayer (key word - humble!), I can feel that Love and also know what things I need to do to make my home a good place to be. Prayer - it's a good thing - that I know I don't do often enough.

So - a crummy week behind me!

Lessons learned (hopefully!).

And forging onward!