I've been perplexed about a parenting issue lately with Abe. Ever since I erupted at my family a week or so ago (blast those emotions!!), Abe has been quite concerned with my state of happiness. If I ever start using my 'I'm-going-to-be-firm mom voice', Abe gently asks, "Mom, you happy?" And lately when I'm firmly communicating expectations (such as washing hands after potty time), he gets a sad look on his face and says, "I love you mom." What am I to say?After all, I don't want him to think that my happiness is completely dependent on him - as a person - and have that affect his confidence. For one... it's not that I'm completely unhappy when he is disobeying, it's that I'm frustrated about his behavior. For two... I still love the boy even when he is disobeying and I don't want him to doubt that. So any ideas on what is the appropriate way to word things with him?
Sometimes I say, "Abe, I love you too, but you still need to obey me the first time I ask you to do something." Then he sometimes says, 'ok' and will give a big hug. But what do I say when he asks if I'm happy? Obviously I'm not feeling the most joyful or jolly at that moment, but it's not like I'm super mad or in tears over the situation (well most of the time). I don't want Abe to feel like he is in trouble with me for most of the day, so I try to pick the battles that are most important with him.
The boy is stubborn as can be about certain things and is agreeable when it is his idea (for example...Abe jumps around doing the best potty dance of all time and I'll suggest he run to the bathroom - oh like 3 times. He declares that he doesn't have to go. Once I finally drop the subject, about 30 seconds - 1 minute later, he has a brilliant idea to run to the bathroom and acts like it was all his idea.)
So I guess my dilemma is how to word my communications with Abe so he knows of my love but also knows there are expectations about his behavior. Why don't they write a parenting book that would really cover every situation? I guess that is why we have the Holy Ghost - to guide us in our parenting. I need to remember that and listen a bit more often to any promptings coming my way.
5 comments:
You'll get no answers from me sweet Heather. I was going to be sarcastic and say that I don't ever have these types of problems, but I couldn't even type it without feeling uncomfortable and irrational. Hmmm.
I so hear you with these frustrations, Heath! It's tough, isn't it? It's such a fine line too. You hate for the kids to think that your happiness depends on them, but at the same time you want them to know that their behavior is unacceptable, right? The best advice I've ever received is from the book "The Power of Positive Parenting." It's been amazing in our home!!
Good luck with your Abe, Heath. He seems like such a sweetheart to me. Parenting is such a huge responsibility because it is so eternally significant. Definately a blessing to have the Holy Ghost.
Will you ask Carol if The Power of Positive Parenting book is by Glenn Latham or Kerby T. Alvy? I looked it up on Amazon and it had both, actually several books with that title. I'm really interested in which one she has that has been such a great thing for them. Thank you!
Hear, hear on listening to the spirit as far as parenting goes. There's no other hope for me, though I keep trying to learn everything I can that might help. I just get so tired............
f.y.i. The book is by Glenn Latham. It's a great resource!
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