Am I who I thought I'd be?

So many days in the last few months, I've thought about the MOTHER I thought I'd be, and the MOTHER I AM. As a teenager, I don't think I was very realistic in my "and I will love them all day long and give them cookies and milk and yellow balloon' imaginings. Yes, some days are joyful and we celebrate the ordinary moments and I cherish those sticky kisses (even when pizza face meets white t-shirt pregnant belly). But other days I wonder how I ever qualified for this job. I always thought that because I loved my children like crazy forever, that I would have patience enough to endure the whining and nonsense (see previous post on the dreaded splinter experience). But instead I feel exactly like this quote by Jane Clayson (thanks for the book summary Jan),

"We go into motherhood expecting that it will require some strength; then we find ourselves in it and realize we're completely out of breath--with miles left to go. Indeed, motherhood is an extraordinary test of endurance and strength, some days requiring that we sprint, and other days asking us to swim upstream against the current."

Do I have enough energy to sprint uphill or swim upstream? If you ever see me swim (Jimmy can attest to this), I really just look like I'm drowning. So anyhoo... to make a long boring blog post shorter, I am continually thinking of the kind of mother I want to be, and I'm working on that a little bit at a time. Baby Steps of Motherhood!

Another quote I found by L.M. Montgomery (or rather Anne Shirley) reminds me that when we hit a real-life challenge (even little daily annoyances/trials/tests added up) our faith, courage, hope, optimism, and endurance are put to the test.

"It's all very well to read about sorrows and imagine yourself living through them heroically, but it's not so nice when you really come to have them, is it?"

But that seems to be one purpose of life...to valiantly forge through the tough times and come out (hopefully) brighter, wiser, and more faithful.

Hmmm, this is much longer than I anticipated. But I'll end with the ever-awesome Sheri Dew giving continual hope to women (for there is always hope). This is a reminder to me to keep a goin' every day on slowly improving my mothering. But also...that the Savior is there to strengthen, uplift, heal, and encourage our spirits so that we can fulfill this awesome calling and responsibility of motherhood.